What's up Chuck- I need some advice. There is this guy I really like, like I think he could be the one. We've gone out on five dates and he wants to know when he's gonna get lucky. How many more dates do I need to go on before I put out? Thanks, Better late than never. --Ahhh...true love... Honey, where were your dates? On a street-corner? You know he's "the one" when he asks you how many times he has to put up with you before you put out. Now, now, I didn't mean to sound sarcastic. I'll just pull my morality-o-meter out of my magical sack, and it will tell both of us exactly how many dates you two soul-mates "need" to go on before he can "get lucky". _____________________ Dear Chuckwheat, I'm a budding artist but I have lost my muse. How do i find inspiration in such a cruel and heartless world? Where's the beauty in life, Chuck? signed, Hopelessly Devoted to Muse --Well now. The best art Ive ever done was pining after make-believe women. When you can't just find something, in this case beauty, you've just got to make it. More great art was inspired by cruel and heartless worlds than lovely little unicorn-frolicking Edens. Making, or finding beauty in ugliness and pain is a great challenge. Art is one way to do it. Many modern artists consider it very clever to make something ugly instead of or even out of beauty. Others see beauty in ugliness. I'll tell you though- no matter how bad things are, your feelings, your agony and your ecstasy are the most powerful inspiration you will ever have. Emptiness is the death of the soul. _____________________ I have a roomate that comes home every night and cries on my lap. This is me sitting here in my undies all ready to get to bed and he is totally raining the salt water! What can I do? --Listen, pal, that salty residue may not be tears. Why don't you ask him what's wrong before bothering me? _____________________ The Champlain Building has the worst elevator men. They don't do a good job and usually we have to wait for a long wait. They should fire them all. Elevator people should not unionize. --Do your kids a favor and castrate yourself before you have them, piker. There aren't any elevator men at SAIC, and the union issue is at AIC. Anyway, several employees I spoke to felt that a union wouldn't help things as corrupt,impersonal and expensive as they usually come in Chi-town. _____________________ |
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