FHoroscopes

the saga continues...

fire signs

aries (mar 21 - apr 19)

Feeling confused? try re-reading a chapter in a confusing book, doing your taxes, or working on a hard math problem; then you'll be fucking miserable.

leo (july 23 - aug 22)

You are the world, you'll have no children, there's not a choice, so just deal.

sagittarius (nov 22 - dec 21)

you are not as smart as you think we think that you think you are.

earth signs

taurus (apr - may 20)

You are stubborn, and people really can't stand your annoying presence...sometimes.

virgo (aug 23 - sept 22)

Have you ever heard the word anal?

capricorn (dec 22 - jan 19)

Always remember this; "There is not, nor shall there ever be, nothing so exalted on the face of God's great earth, as that Prince of foods, the muffin."

air signs

gemini (may 21 - june 21)

Lingerie is on sale at Kmart, so today is a great day for a sexual identity crisis.

libra (sept 23 - oct 23)

Your moon is in the seventh house but jupitor is on vacation and has been replaced by your Aunt Ellie. So sorry.

aquarius (jan 20 - feb 18)

The binary is 2 degrees due east of kappa Aquarii, so what the hell are you waiting for?

water signs

cancer (june 22 - july 22)

You will pass this term's exams and have great success, but you will die young of a terminal disease. Go figure!

scorpio (oct 24 - nov 21)

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch, dude.

pisces (feb 19 - mar 20)

Don't order the fish.

Now get out of here... --toiletdude