Remedial Critique

Honor War in Your Home for a Low, Low Price!

By Maureen Murphy

Support your troops! Order this brand new beanie, meticulously machine-crafted overseas, to show your love for our domestic heroes. Display it on your computer monitor or TV set as a constant reminder of how detached from the war you really are.
$7.95 each

A tribute to our American history of colonization here and overseas! This brave Bearstone is imposing "liberty" wherever he goes ... and killing only a few civilians on the way! Your heart will swell with pride every time you see this bear displayed in your home.
$19.95 each

This young recruit grins and "bears" it as he realizes that the armed forces aren't as glamorous as they were portrayed on that TV commercial. The fuzzy recruit reacts with surprise as he is told that because he is not a citizen by birth, he was more aggressively recruited than his middle-class, white-furred peers, and that he will be the first sent to the front lines and conflict and may not live to see that college scholarship he was promised.
$15.95 each

You'll take comfort in knowing that American sailors are always safe in God's hands, because He favors American sailors over those of any other country. Cradled in God's gentle hands and graced with a heartfelt prayer, this hand-crafted figurine acknowledges President Bush's evangelistic rhetoric and resistance to the separation of church and state. Pay tribute to our nation's heroes -- order now! Disclaimer: soldiers will not see any of the profits.
$29.95 each

Young as he is, he already knows that "Semper Fi" -- the motto of the U.S. Marine Corps -- means "never question your government." He can't wait until he's old enough to join "The few, the proud, the Marines," and not get proper treatment for the illnesses he will develop after dropping depleted uranium in the Middle East. Complete with "Li'l Chesty" bulldog pup and hand-numbered Certificate of Authenticity.
$49.95 each

The real prices and descriptions of these figurines can be viewed at www.collectiblestoday.com and www.ty.com.