Worst Case Scenario

How to survive figure drawing class with no charcoal

If you find yourself in a figure drawing class
If for some ungodly reason the easels have been cleaned, don’t panic. Simply use your trusty folded piece of paper and, squatting, push it in front of yourself as if you were a snowplow. Whether you’re in the Sharp or Columbus Drive building, it doesn’t matter, because either way you will be surrounded by at least 150 years worth of charcoal on the floors. If your teacher asks what the hell you’re doing, you can always play the “utilizing found materials” card.
and realize to your horror you’ve forgotten your charcoal, never fear: a trip to Utrecht is unnecessary.

Your best bet, by far, will be the easels — your fellow students have undoubtedly been very generous in leaving piles of charcoal dust (and sometimes even whole pieces) on the easels’ ledges from the past week. Simply take a small piece of brown kraft paper and sweep the dust onto it.

Dealing with winter

So you’ve decided to leave the sunny skies and hot weather of your hometown in the South to come to Chicago, where there is a season known as “winter.” As the months wear on and December approaches, you will notice the inhabitants of the city gradually growing larger and larger. Do not be afraid, they are simply wearing more clothes. Fight the urge to poke them, even though they are intriguingly poofy.

While one can get away with a slight poke (the padding prevents the wearer from feeling anything subtle), such actions are frowned upon and you will be shunned socially.

Also, griping excessively about the dropping temperature (known as “cold”) will not garner sympathy, but rather hearty and uncreative ridicule, along with laughter and finger -pointing.

If you find you have not packed enough “heavy” clothes, or if you only have clothes that pass for “heavy” if the temperature doesn’t drop below 50 degrees, don’t panic. When a 15-degree day hits, simply put on every article of clothing you own and jump up and down once outside.

If this is still not enough, douse yourself in hot chocolate.

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