Fnews staff

F News loves the popular school vending machines that dispense discs, pens, DV tapes, thumbtacks, highlighters, mini cds, and more. But we would like to suggest more products that, made readily available, would serve SAIC students even better.

• Spray paint
• Clean socks
• Mini-bar bottles of Jim Beam
• Syringes
• Parliament Lights
• Waterproof sex toys, with batteries
• Wood
• Individually-wrapped processed cheese slices
• Today’s Chicago Woman
• Lock picks
• Cable cutters
• Circus peanuts
• The morning-after pill
• The Chicago Manual of Style
• Limited-edition PEZ dispensers
• Vivarin

F News regime change

We sincerely regret, in the depths of our hearts (especially the parts that appreciate solid reporting, elegant prose, impeccable grammar, and a wicked sense of humor), that our adored, award-winning Editor-In-Chief, Ms. Maureen Murphy, has amicably resigned from F News to pursue other creative opportunities in academia and journalism. Do not despair, F readers, you can still read her work online at electronicintifada.net and electroniciraq.net and, of course, our fine publication.