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What the F?

For April, we set out to find our favorite media fools. Here are the most un-newsworthy, bizarre, or (more sadly) stupidly written news items we have been stupid enough to read.

The Overzealous Buffoon

Life is a Cabaret! And who could miss the excitement of Liza Minnelli's wedding, the biggest ensemble of celebrity sparkle since Truman Capote's Black and White Ball. Check out the wedding party alone: Michael Jackson gave away the bride, accompanied by the co-best man, his brother Tito. Three more Jackson siblings - Jackie, Randy and Marlon � [were] among the 15 groomsmen with Robert Wagner and singer James Ingram. And then there's the bridesmaids: Liza's "Cabaret" co-star, Marisa Berenson, and Elizabeth Taylor (maids-of-honor), Gina Lollobrigida, Mia Farrow, Esther Williams, Janet Leigh, Chaka Khan and Petula Clark, among others. And, oh the entertainment! Natalie Cole kindly stepped in to sing "Unforgettable" accompanied by an 80-piece orchestra. (Whitney Houston, who was scheduled to sing "The Greatest Love of All" was MIA, according to E! news daily.) Then, there's the guest list, a veritable buffet of fabulousness: Mickey Rooney, Anthony Hopkins, Michael Douglas, Diana Ross, Lauren Bacall, Luther Vandross, David Hasselhoff, Phyllis Diller, Barbara Walters, Diane Sawyer, Carol Channing and Robert Goulet. Although Minnelli is 56 and on her fourth marriage, she apparently needs some formal dinnerware to entertain all these celebrity friends; her registry at Tiffany & Co. included 389 pieces of flatware, barware, crystal giftware and silver giftware. But hell, after surviving three husbands, viral encephalitis, and a recent stint in a Pennsylvania rehab center, this Tony/Grammy/Oscar award winner has earned it, baby!

Mistress Much-a-Know-About-Nothin'

BET.com reported: Vondetta Flowers, the Bobsledder who wongold at the 2002 Winter Olympics, was the first African American from any country to win a gold medal in a winter games event. Now, what's wrong with this sentence...?

Former NBL player, Darryl Stawberry is in jail, this time for breaking the rules at his drug rehab center: This is news? Strawberry, who has been in and out of jail for drugs since the early '90s, also has colon cancer, which has so far been unsuccessfully treated by docs. Hey, do you blame the guy? What next: Breaking news: Robert Downey Jr. caught with coke! blah, blah, blah

Kate Winslet wants comfort at the Oscars

"I just hope for the best, hope I'm going to find a dress that is comfortable and shoes that don't make me scream after half an hour," Winslet said.: I feel so worldly knowing this, it's much more interesting than all that bin Laden mess.

The Mad Scholar

Feel good celebrity talk show host Rosie O'Donnell is Gay: *Yawn*

The Associated Press reported March 22: Bush says poverty can spawn violence
The report also read: "Bush said progress in the fight against poverty is within reach, but the battle will not be won unless wealthy nations insist upon an aid standard based on political liberty, respect for human rights and adherence to the rule of law."

Now Bush is just waiting for somebody else's lead.

A recent MSN.com headline read: No breakthrough in Mideast talks Really, what were we expecting? Arafat to say: sure, continue to attack Palestinian civilians and illegally occupy their land with U.S. taxpayer funded weapons and I'll consider dissuading self-described martyrs?

Foxnews.com declared: Another scandal... this one involves taxpayer money.
Now, since government programs are funded by taxes, wouldn't any government scandal involve taxpayer money? Well, what does one expect from Fox News anyway?

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